He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
