i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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