i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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