At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
