So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
