Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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