He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
