Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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