Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
