Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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