So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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