Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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