if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
