this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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