Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
