just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
