She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
