But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
