I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
