Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
