Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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