I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
