it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
