I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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