You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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