Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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