dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
