Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
