Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
