I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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