I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
