kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
