everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize