Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
