dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
