It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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