woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ttyl tear gas
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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