I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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