First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
