he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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