i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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