Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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