How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
