my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
