Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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