I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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