Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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