Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
smell my finger.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
