Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
