this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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