i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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