I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
