So drunk its hurt
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
