Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am naked and annoyed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
