Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
