Got a toothbrush?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
