Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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