just tell him i said nine months
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
