Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
