I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
