i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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