please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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