I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
