She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
