I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
