I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Buhtt sex?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The adults are the big ones right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
