did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
