But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sarcasm needs its own font
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
