Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
