Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
