Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
