i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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