Please, let me fuck your mom
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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