It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
