Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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