just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
