i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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