im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
